Every house has one room where the rules are different. Nobody agreed to this. It simply happened over several years and now it is a fact of the building.
Welcome to the cave.
The Three Laws Of The Cave
They are unwritten, universally understood, and enforced without discussion.
- The seating arrangement is fixed. There is one particular spot. Sitting in it is not illegal but it is noticed.
- Nothing gets rearranged. Tidying the cave is an act of aggression, regardless of intent.
- Food is not only permitted, it is structural. Which brings us to the main point.
Pizza, Beer, Football: An Engineering Analysis
This combination is not laziness. It is genuinely the optimal solution and it has been arrived at independently by millions of people, which is usually a sign that something is correct.
Consider the requirements. The food must be eatable one-handed, must not require cutlery, must survive going cold during a tense passage of play, and must not need anybody to leave the room at any point.
Pizza satisfies all four. Nothing else does. The Cave Pizza Beer Football design is simply stating an established fact.
Why The Timing Is Sacred
Anybody who has got this wrong knows the cost. Food must arrive before kick off or during the interval. Never during play.
A doorbell at a critical moment is a genuine domestic incident. Plan the order around the fixture, not the other way round. This is not obsessive, it is basic scheduling.
In Defence Of The Whole Thing
Somebody will tell you this is a waste of an afternoon. Let us examine that.
Two or three hours, in a comfortable room, with easy food, watching something you care about, usually with people you like, and absolutely nothing to worry about for the duration.
That is not wasted time. That is one of the few genuinely restful things left, and it costs less than almost any other form of leisure.
One Concession To Make
Here is the sensible advice. Let somebody else pick the match occasionally, and let somebody who does not normally get the good seat have it once in a while.
The cave is better with more people in it. It just has to stay the cave.
Written by Allergic to Boring Dayz. Thanks for reading.